It is our instinct to want to protect children from the impact of anything that could cause them harm and dealing with a loved one who has a serious illness or the death of a relative is not something any of us want for our children.

At Woking & Sam Beare Hospice we recognise the importance of working with you and your family to find the best ways to help children and teenagers come to terms with their own emotional distress and bereavement.

It is our instinct to want to protect children from the impact of anything that could cause them harm and dealing with a loved one who has a serious illness or the death of a relative is not something any of us want for our children.

At Woking & Sam Beare Hospice we recognise the importance of working with you and your family to find the best ways to help children and teenagers come to terms with their own emotional distress and bereavement.

  • Listen Carefully
  • Be as honest as possible, it’s OK to not have all the answers
  • Something's may be uncomfortable to talk about, taking a deep breath and saying ‘this feels uncomfortable to say but….’ may help, be honest so young people can learn to be honest about their feelings too
  • Be clear and direct in the language saying ‘passed away’ or ’lost’ can be confusing. It is OK to use the word ‘died’
  • Sharing our sadness helps young people to express theirs in healthy ways. Crying is normal, natural and healthy.

Many people think that babies and very young children are unlikely to be affected by the loss of a significant person. But babies do form attachments and they will be aware of the absence of that person. However, they have no concept of death and the passing of time. For young children, they may not understand that death is permanent, and can expect a person to return.

It may be useful to explain that their loved one no longer needs to eat, breathe or wear clothes.

Some children may talk about someone who has died, and then ask if they will be coming to their birthday party. 

Children may appear to jump in and out of their sadness. This is normal and doesn’t mean they don’t care, but it can be confusing for adults. Just because they can play normally doesn’t mean they are not grieving. 

Some children will complain of mystery illnesses, such as tummy aches, headaches, and may return to bed wetting. These are all ways of demonstrating grief.

Adolescence can already be a time of great confusion, and anxiety for some young people. Bereavement at this time can have a considerable impact on their lives, adding to the sense of insecurity, isolation and confusion about their role in the world.

For some teenagers their friendship groups may become more important and parents can be the last ones to know how their children are feeling. But they still need to know that you are there for them, and are willing to support and listen.

Though they may appear to be coping it is important to remember they are not yet adults.

Support for children experiencing anticipatory grief and preparing for bereavement.   

1-2-1

Sometimes it is easier for a child to talk to someone outside the family or those closest to them. They may be reluctant to share their feelings for fear of adding to your worries or grief.

Counselling offers a non-judgemental safe space where they can explore and come to terms with difficult feelings and emotions. Counselling sessions are arranged at a mutually agreed time and venue.

Family Therapy 

Sometimes, when we are preparing for a bereavement family communication may falter. Our family therapists can help re-open healthy lines of communication and support between family members. 

Depending on the age of your child there are many books available to help with bereavement, here are some suggestions:

Water bugs and Dragonflies, Explaining death to young children – Doris Stickney

Badgers Parting Gifts – Susan Varley

The Invisible String - Patrice Karst

As Big as it Gets: Supporting a Child When a Parent is Seriously Ill) - Julie A. Stokes

Muddles, Puddles and Sunshine ,Activity Book to Help When Someone Has Died - Diana Crossley 

The Memory Tree – Britta Teckentrup

Mum's Jumper – Jayde Perkin

What on Earth Do You Do When Someone Dies? – Trevor Romain

Sometimes Life Sucks: When Someone You Love Dies – Molly Carlisle

These websites can provide additional information on supporting a child or young person through bereavement.

Contact us

E: [email protected]

T:01483 881750

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